Ecclesiastes 5

 God,

I was just reminded of something a few moments ago: You ask for hearing ears and a sincere heart, not blabbering and empty sacrifices. Solomon, in Ecclesiastes, spoke of this. He said that it is better to draw near to you and listen than to offer sacrifices. I am convicted, for I have not listened to you. Instead, I blabber and spout out my worries for this pregnancy, all the while never drawing close to you and listening for your truth. Forgive me for my unbelief and lack of trust in who you are.

In my reading, I was also reminded of my vow to you, which I have not honored. I promised that if you gave me a child, I would give him back to you. Well, you answered my prayer; you gave me this baby. Yet, instead of placing him in your hands, I wallow in anxiety over whether he will live or die. When I should be lifting my hands in surrender, I cling to the worry in my heart. How silly I was to think that this vow only pertained to a born baby. This child should have been given to you at the moment of conception. I sit in my misery, not fulfilling my promise to you, when you always honor yours. Please forgive my misgivings and allow me the chance to give him to you now. He is yours.

Though my feelings are in much turmoil, I long to trust you fully. It is hard to know what is sin and what is human feeling in this case. Worrying is a sin, but is feeling sad and alone a sin? Show me the hidden sins in my heart, that I may bring them before you in earnest. If I do not have the will to trust you, then give me the will. If I lack faith, give me the strength to choose faith in you once more. If I worry, give me the peace that surpasses my understanding and fill my with your Holy Spirit.

In honesty, give me relaxation and calm Thursday. Stable my body and my mind in that room. Take the pain away so I can focus, However, if you choose not to, then please comfort me in the midst of discomfort. Pour out your grace on me and give me joy. To you be all the glory and honor forever.

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